Conflict Zen is written by Tammy Lenski…she offers advice on handling conflicts, which is essential reading for any leader, especially those in K-16 schools today amidst all the change. One of my favorite quotes from her latest blog entry is:

There are people who act in difficult ways or people I particularly find difficult. I, then, hold the key to unlocking those difficult conversations, at least as much as they do.

This quote was driven home for me as I reflected on last week. In my work situations, I seldom encounter a person that I consider to be difficult. Often, I find people who are working hard from their particular perspective to make a difference. It’s only those who seem to have an agenda that isn’t focused on benefiting the organization, the people we serve, that sparks begin to smolder. I want to be transparent about my triggers, which as Lenski describes, are emotional responses set off by the words or actions of others during difficult conversations. Some of my triggers are as follows:

• People express a lack of confidence in my team to accomplish something they’ve already shown they’re proficient at, proof of concept is done, but insist that we revisit the issue again.
• A hidden agenda is in play that doesn’t put children, teachers, the organization first. Instead, there are some political machinations going on, other reasons for doing things that benefit the individual rather than the whole.
• When something is made to fail so that the failure can be pointed to as a justification for more resources (for example, you put one person on the job knowing that it takes 5 people to do it…when it doesn’t work, you say, “Well, you only let me hire 1 person instead of the 5 needed.”).
• The other person is kingdom-building and I have to deal with that rather than focus my energies on the real job.
• When others make decisions from rumors rather than focus on transparency and predictability.

These triggers pretty much get me angry. I have to work hard to overcome the emotions that get stirred up when I encounter these. I’m not saying I’m perfect, and I have no doubt I can pull other people’s triggers, but I keep coming back to my core values and sharing those with others. The values are:

• Be honest, transparent and predictable
• Create conditions that promote authorship…share response-ability
• Use technology to change everything we do to enhance communication and collaboration

I’m sure I have a few others, but these are the ones that come to mind now…and, as such, are probably the ones I put into practice on a daily basis.

var addthis_pub=”mguhlin”;

Subscribe to Around the Corner-MGuhlin.org

Be sure to visit the ShareMore! Wiki.