As I shared in the previous blog entry, one of the books I’m reading is Susan Scott’s Fierce Conversations. I just began, so I’m going to share some of the key points.

1. There are seven principles of Fierce Conversations, including the following:

• Master the courage to interrogate reality…since reality is shifting/changing so much, we have to keep revisiting it. It’s not alright to just base our perception of reality, our story of what’s happening on what’s happening.
• Come out from behind yourself into the conversation and make it real…wow, is this an argument for transparency or what? The way I think about this is, it’s not enough to rest on your laurels, to hide behind your reputation, but to push yourself to move past that and be present, be real in your interactions with others.
• Be here, prepared to be nowhere else…this reminds me of Robert Quinn’s advice to resign yourself to being a part of the reality you’re in and working to change it, rather than practicing “active exit;” that is, getting ready to leave and ensuring you’re not interfering with the status quo. One key point that comes up again later in the book is that Our work, our relationships, and our lives succeed or fail one conversation at a time.
• Tackle your toughest challenge today…burnout happens because we try to solve the same problem over and over again, rather than name the problem to be solved then get it done.
• Obey your instincts…we get tons of data and information every day and we need to tune in and pay attention, share those thoughts with others (blogging isn’t dead, is it? ), and realize that if it smells like tiger or bear, it probably IS.
• Take responsibility for your emotional wake…wow, this one hit me, too. There is no trivial comment for a leader. The conversation is not about the relationship; the conversation is the relationship. Later in the book, Susan Scott points out that new husbands have to learn this truth. How true. I learned it that lesson over time and I still have trouble with it. It’s one of those truths I’m still trying to internalize. how about you?
• Let silence do the heavy lifting…Susan counsels slowing down the conversation so that insight can occur in the space between words and you can discover what the conversation really wants and needs to be about. Again, powerful stuff when you put it in the context of blogging. Mark Ahlness, for example, has a blog entry today about an older teacher/professor who’s only written 600 posts, but that is worthy of being voted for Edublogs Awards and Andy Carvin has written nice things about him. Could it be possible that this is an example of letting silence do the heavy lifting?

2. There are four types of conversational models:

• Team Conversations that engage individuals and teams in debates–without the friction–that interrogate reality and ignite dialogue around clarifying goals, solving problems, evaluating opportunities, and designing strategies.
• Coaching Conversations that engage folks so as to increase clarity, improve understanding, provide impetus for change, resulting in professional development, advancement of projects and accelerated results.
• Delegation Conversations that clarify responsibilities and raise the level of personal accountability.
• Confrontation Conversations that engage individuals and teams in conversations which resolve attitudinal, performance or behavioral issues by naming and addressing tough challenges, provoking learning and enriching relationships.

As I read about these, I ask myself, how many of each type have I engaged in this past week? The first 3, yes, but the last one, not so much. It’s only mid-week, so let’s see what I can do to address that!

3. Miscellaneous Highlights:

• Each of us must discard the notion that we respond differently depending on whom we’re with and that our work and home conversations are really quite different.
• The conversation is the relationship. if the conversation stops, all of the possibilities for the relationship become smaller and all of the possibilities for the individuals in the relationship…[until we’re] engaged in yet another 3-minute conversation so empty of meaning it crackles. [love that…]
• A way to stop candid input is by saying, I do not consider that a career-enhancing response. This makes me wonder about transparency conversation we’ve been having. Is blogging a considered to not be a career-enhancing activity? ;->
• We effect change by engaging in robust conversations with ourselves and others.
• Susan Scott imagines herself as a conversational cartographer, mapping a way toward deepening authenticity for myself and for those who wanted to join me.

On that quote, I’ll wrap up this blog post. When people ask me what MY role is as a blogger, I’m going to reply, I’m a conversational cartographer trying to map a way toward deepening authenticity for you and for me. Want to help?

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