Chapter 2: The Price of Peace

“We aren’t disturbed by external events, but by the opinions and stories we create about those events.”

Edward: What about when things break? Or when people… leave?

Juan: Start small. If you drop your favorite coffee mug and it shatters, remind yourself: It was just a piece of ceramic. This happens to cups. Scale that logic up to the hard stuff. When you hug your girlfriend, or even when you look at me, remind yourself that we are mortal. We are human. If something happens to us, you will grieve, but you won’t be utterly destroyed, because you never forgot what we are.

Edward: That sounds cold, Dad.

Juan: It’s not cold, it’s real. Think about going to a crowded public place, like a music festival or a DMV. People are going to push, someone’s going to be rude, someone might steal your spot. If you go into it expecting a flawless experience, you’ll lose your mind. Before you go anywhere, tell yourself: “I’m going to do this task, and I’m going to keep my cool.” That way, when someone cuts you off, you just say, “I didn’t just come here to get groceries; I came here to maintain my peace.”

Edward: I guess I let other people’s bad energy ruin my day too easily.

Juan: Because you forget that events don’t upset you; your opinion about those events upsets you. Death itself isn’t terrifying—if it were, the wisest people in history would have panicked. It’s the idea that death is a monster that scares us. When you’re stressed, don’t blame your boss, your ex, or your bad luck. Blame your own perspective. An amateur blames others. Someone who is trying to learn blames himself. A truly wise person doesn’t waste time blaming anyone.

Edward: It’s hard not to look around and feel inferior, though. Look at the guys my age driving sports cars or getting executive titles.

Juan: If a guy has a nice car, the car is nice. The guy isn’t better. Don’t take pride in things that don’t belong to you. What actually belongs to you? Your response to life. Take pride in handling a bad situation well; that’s a real achievement.

Think of life like a cruise ship. The ship stops at an island, and you get off to stretch your legs and pick up some nice seashells or a cool souvenir. That’s your career, your house, your relationships. But your eyes should always be on the ship, waiting for the captain to blow the whistle. When your time is up, you drop the shells and run back to the ship without looking back. And since I’m getting older, I make sure not to wander too far from the docks anyway.