Chapter 6: Calculating the True Cost

“In every situation, look at what comes before it and what follows after it before you commit. Otherwise, you’ll start with high energy, but when the real consequences hit, you’ll walk away in shame.”

Edward: So before I jump into a new goal, I need to look at the whole picture?

Juan: Exactly. Think about everything that comes before and after a decision. If you tell me you want to train for a marathon, or launch a massive campaign, look at the reality. You have to eat clean, wake up at 5:00 AM in the freezing cold, destroy your knees, skip nights out with friends, and you might still lose. If you don’t weigh the cost, you’re just acting like a kid who watches a movie and plays ninja for an hour before getting bored. You can’t be a tech founder today, a carefree artist tomorrow, and a corporate ladder-climber the next day. You have to pick who you are going to be—good or bad, focused on the internal or the external.

Rosie: It’s a lot of responsibility to put on yourself.

Juan: Your duties are defined by your relationships. I am your father. That means you owe me respect and patience, even when I’m wrong or grumpy. You aren’t entitled to a perfect father, just a father. You two are siblings; your brother might be unfair to you, Rosie, or your sister might annoy you, Edward. Your job isn’t to fix them; your job is to control your reaction to them. Nobody can hurt you unless you permit it. You only get hurt when you believe you’ve been damaged.

Edward: It sounds like a spiritual discipline.

Juan: It is. Trust that the universe operates on order, and your job is to cooperate with reality rather than fight it. Stop blaming God or fate when things don’t go your way. When you try to control external things, you inevitably end up bitter and angry at the world. Treat your life with respect, do your duty quietly, and keep your head down.

Edward: So tomorrow, when I open my laptop… what’s step one?

Rosie: And what about me when I head to campus?

Juan: Define who you want to be right now, and stick to it whether you’re alone or in a crowd. Speak only when you have something valuable to say; don’t waste your breath gossiping about celebrities, sports, or office drama. Don’t laugh at cheap jokes just to fit in. Avoid toxic environments. If someone tells you that someone is talking trash about you behind your back, don’t get defensive. Just smile and say, “They must not know my other flaws, or they would have mentioned those too.”

Stop performing for the crowd. If you go to an event, just let things play out naturally. When you meet with executives, professors, or people with high status, don’t panic. Think about how the strongest, wisest people you know would handle the conversation, and mirror that calmness. If you go to a meeting or an office and they make you wait, or ignore you—accept it and move on. Don’t throw a tantrum like a toddler who didn’t get their way.

Edward: Don’t chase the hype.

Juan: Don’t get swept away by the first flash of pleasure or success. When an opportunity looks incredibly tempting, pause. Think about how you’ll feel an hour after you indulge, and compare that to how proud you’ll feel if you walk away. If you know doing something is right, do it openly. Don’t worry about people judging you wrongly—if the action is good, their opinion doesn’t matter; if the action is bad, don’t do it in the first place.

Watch your steps, both of you. Just like you look down to make sure you don’t step on a nail or twist your ankle on the sidewalk, watch your mind. Don’t let your judgment get warped by the chaos around you. Your mind is the measure of your life, just like your foot is the measure of your shoe. If you buy a shoe that’s too big just because it looks flashy, you’ll trip and fall down a cliff. Stay within your true measure.

Juan stands up, pats Edward on the shoulder, gives Rosie a quick hug, and walks toward the hallway.

Get some sleep, you two. Turn off the phones. Tomorrow is a new day, and the only thing you have to manage is yourself.